Hard days...

I'm struggling a bit right now. Discouragement is creeping up like a thief in the night. I think I've done pretty well to this point, patiently waiting on any/all news, understanding and defending the Haitian adoption process to whomever asks....praying and asking God for help.

But now I seem to be stuck. I am obsessively/compulsively checking the "Adopting from Haiti" facebook group I belong to dozens of times a day, looking for any/all movement in the adoption world. I'm voraciously reading others' timelines and trying to guess about ours. I'm worrying about the financial side of things, even though God has provided a perfectly good way to meet our immediate needs for the adoption. I'm being human.

We've been talking about adoption since January of 2011. About the baby specifically. We are closing in on the 2 year mark, have definitely surpassed the 18 month mark of being "sure" this was what we wanted, and would pursue. It feels like a long time. What will we do with ourselves when it's over? What will consume my mind and my thoughts then?

I know the journey through this is part of the learning. Part of what makes me tick is understanding every detail of a process, being familiar and well versed in it. So I've done that with our adoption process. I feel I have a good understanding of what to expect, what happens next, what can go wrong, etc. Part of me is envious of Jason. He has no idea what step is next. He asks me from day to day. I have to remind him of the order, of the timeline, of the expectation. How much easier would it be to live in that space? To know that God has "got this" and to trust and believe?

My hope and my prayer is that I will be able to let go. Let go and trust God, trust the professionals working on this for us, and enjoy the journey. To fully be in each moment where I am, to not obsess over every step.

Please pray for me to do just this!